I sank in this madness, I thought myself clever enough to be able to resist this feeling, now I only regret. You know I want you, you know I need you, but I was wrong to let you control my being, open the door of the most secret place hidden in me, now I can no longer close that door, poor me!
I know it’s ridiculous and humiliating, I know my love is worthless, but know that I’ll be the trash you want me to be, and I never begged anyone. What madness! How could I let you control me like this? My love chose you and who got fucked? I … I believed that love was beautiful and shiny, but in my life it is only mutilating pain. I’m tired of so much drama, I’ve learned that not even a bad romance is worthy of me, I have to laugh, it would be dramatic if it were not comical, that’s my shit life. The love I have is of no use except to degrade my own heart.
When did I lock myself in this cell? When did I build this altar? When have I got hypnotized in your eyes? I’m no longer human, I’m a creature deprived of the senses of feeling, I’m the ugly one that does not fit into labels, I’m the bizarre that everyone wants distance, I’m the disease that drives me crazy, I’m the son of a bitch who just wants to be free from the fucking love. What the fuck! I’ll drink until the blood glucose levels reach high peaks and make me forget you, even though the reality is the bitter hangover, even if you come back to torment my thoughts in the sobriety of my senseless madness. I’m out of control, I’m not the man you need, I’ve never been the man nobody needs, I’m a drama, I’m boring, I’ve become bitter, distressed, paranoid and crazy. My psyche wants the horror, wants everything bad that can happen, even have a bad romance with you.
I WANT YOUR BAD ROMANCE!
Fuck the world! I’m not handsome enough, I’m not the man enough, I’m not the one who will arouse someone’s interest, I do not want your grief, I do not want your empathy, I want all the hatred you can throw at me, because I’m strong, I’m crazy and I do not want to fit into any world. Hypocrisy, lack of truth, I do not feel more love for a world that is counterfeit. Stuck in this bad situation, why is everything like this? Is not this what I really want? Is madness taking over me? My weakness is my love, so fuck it all ‘cos the love I feel is the poison I need.
Green Phoenix © 2017
27/11/2017 às 08:00
Green Phoenix 
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